Missiles, uranium, a wedge, and dog sleds

Greenland auction, round 2: Intermission’s over in the Arctic military theater of the absurd

I was only joking about Greenland after the election, but it didn’t take long before Denmark’s big frozen island came back onto the real estate developer’s radar.

You recall that when Trump first floated the idea of extending America’s manifest destiny northward in 2019, Danish Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen called it “absurd.” Trump in turn called that statement “nasty” and canceled a planned trip to Denmark.

With a population of only 56,000, almost 90 percent Inuit, in an area larger than Alaska, 80 percent ice-covered, Greenland occupies a strategic location for monitoring Russian ships and subs lurking at the edge of the Western Hemisphere. It also has minerals critical to high-tech manufacturing whose market is dominated by China, and access to widening Arctic shipping lanes as the glaciers melt.

Photo by Hector John Periquin on Unsplash

• December 22, 2024: Announcing the new ambassador to Denmark, Trump wrote on his Truth Social platform: "For purposes of National Security and Freedom throughout the World, the United States of America feels that the ownership and control of Greenland is an absolute necessity."

• December 23: Greenland Prime Minister Múte Egede did not take this mutely: “Greenland is ours. We are not for sale and we will not be for sale. We must not lose our years-long struggle for freedom."

• December 23: While Danish PM Mette Frederiksen had no comment (DK) on the topic of Greenland, the PM’s Office issued a statement welcoming the ambassador in the spirit of transatlantic cooperation while endorsing Egede’s “No Deal.”

• December 23: Danish Defense Minister Troels Lund Poulsen announced a new defense spending package for Greenland. Besides augmenting the Arctic Command center and an airport, it includes the purchase of two new inspection ships, two new long-range drones, and two extra dog sled teams. Maintaining that the move was not a reaction to Trump’s assertion, Lund Poulsen called the timing an "irony of fate."

• December 23: Sergey Mikheye, a Russian pundit on a TV show hosted by Putin propagandist Vladimir Solovyov: "This is especially interesting because it drives a wedge between him and Europe, it undermines the world architecture, and opens up certain opportunities for our foreign policy."

• December 25: Assuming they can parse his trademark fractured grammar, Trump sends a Christmas greeting to the people of Greenland, which “is needed by the United States for National Security purposes and, who want the U.S. to be there, and we will!”

  In the same breath message, Trump also expressed a desire to take over the Panama Canal and Canada, calling the latter “the fifty-first state.”

Legitimate offer or reckless bluster?

Trump’s advisors insist that his interest in Greenland has always been serious. As Frederiksen held her diplomatic tongue this time, experts at the Danish Defense Academy were unperturbed by the renewed overture. They see Trump’s usual bombast as a negotiating tactic, pressuring Denmark to invest more heavily in defense for mutual benefit.

Jon Rahbek-Clemmensen notes that the US already has access to the resources it needs in Greenland. It operates the Thule Air Base (renamed Pituffik Space Base in 2023) as part of its missile defense and early-warning systems, and American mining companies can extract rare earth minerals and uranium (DK).

Army Maj Steen Kjaergaard wrote, "I think Trump is smart … he gets Denmark to prioritize its Arctic military capabilities by raising this voice, without having to take over a very un-American welfare system."

If Trump is only trolling Denmark to prod it into action, that may not even be necessary. Frederiksen herself, earlier in December, underscored the need for Denmark to beef up its defenses against the rising tide of “dark forces,” and Lund Poulsen’s announcement shows that Denmark had already begun the process.

A map-lover for whom size matters

But they shouldn’t underestimate the appeal of geographical “ownership,” without a messy war, for someone who is under the delusion that he won a “landslide” mandate to indulge his whims bigly. Last year, in an interview for a book, Trump said:

You take a look at a map. I’m a real estate developer. I look at a corner, I say, “I’ve got to get that store for the building that I’m building,” etc. It’s not that different. . . . I love maps. And I always said: “Look at the size of this. It’s massive. That should be part of the United States.”

Perhaps someone should explain to him that Greenland isn’t really the size of Africa, as it appears in the Mercator projection, before he closes the deal and then discovers that the renamed Trumpland is only a fraction of its own oversized image. Because his passion for property is matched only by his passion for lawsuits.

Everything has a price

The idea of America buying Greenland isn’t new. It was first suggested in the 1860s and secretly proposed again by President Harry Truman in 1946. The U.S. purchased the Virgin Islands from Denmark for USD 25 million in gold coins in 1917.

So who knows? As they say in Trumpestan, everyone is for sale. A poor Inuit might be dazzled by a lottery-sized payoff. What’s Denmark’s price—exclusive defense guarantees? a prime plot in Elon’s Martian colony? premium access to the AGI Singularity?

Back to the poker table, Mette. Remember, the guy may seem haphazard, but he’s a master at stiffing his creditors.

Left by the wayside in these momentous deliberations is the fate of an indigenous people who would become wards of the US empire too late for Biden’s DEI perks. Maybe they could count on Trump and Elon to nullify the regulations on sustainable seal hunting.